The last few years taught me I was doing this wrong. Sitting across from a prospect, something shifted. I realized I'd been approaching this entirely backward—and what I was doing wrong became impossible to ignore.
I had my pitch ready. I knew my numbers. I understood their industry. But as I sat there listening to them talk about their business, I noticed something: I wasn't actually listening to them. I was listening for the opening—the moment I could insert my value proposition and close the deal.
That's when it hit me: I was selling. Not providing value.
And the moment I realized that, everything changed.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Sales
Let's be honest. The word "sales" has a problem.
When you say you work in sales, certain images come to mind: pushy tactics, pressure closes, manipulation disguised as enthusiasm. The used car salesman. The aggressive closer. The person who talks more than they listen.
Sales feels transactional. It feels icky. And for good reason—because a lot of it is.
But here's what most salespeople don't understand: your discomfort with sales is a feature, not a bug.
The fact that you feel uncomfortable with traditional sales tactics? That's not weakness. That's a signal that you're built for something better.
You're built for value.
The Difference Nobody Talks About
There's a massive, consequential difference between selling and providing value. Most people in business development confuse them. It's costing them deals, relationships, and ultimately their careers.
Let me spell out the distinction:
SELLING (Transactional)
Mindset: "How do I convince them to buy?"
- Your goal is the deal
- Their goal is irrelevant
- You're positioning your solution as the answer
- Success = closed deal
Behavior:
- You talk more than you listen
- You're waiting for openings to pitch
- You emphasize features that benefit you
- You create urgency and pressure
- You move to the next prospect after the deal closes
Feeling:
- Manipulation disguised as help
- Short-term thinking
- Empty victory (deal closed but relationship is transactional)
- Constant rejection feels personal
Outcome:
- One-time deals
- Customers who don't refer you
- High turnover and burnout
- You're only as good as your last quarter
PROVIDING VALUE (Relational)
Mindset: "How can I genuinely help their business?"
- Their goal becomes your goal
- You're identifying problems they didn't know they had
- You're solving real problems, not just closing deals
- Success = they're measurably better off
Behavior:
- You ask penetrating questions
- You listen to understand their world
- You identify opportunities they're missing
- You introduce solutions (yours or someone else's) that fit their need
- You deepen relationships after the deal closes
Feeling:
- Authentic help that happens to benefit you too
- Long-term thinking
- Genuine partnership
- Rejection is just feedback to improve
Outcome:
- Recurring deals and lifetime value
- Customers who refer you proactively
- Sustainable career (no burnout)
- You become known as someone who elevates businesses
The crazy part? The second approach is more profitable.
The Paradox That Changed Everything
Here's the thing that nobody tells you: when you stop trying to sell, you become better at sales.
The moment you shift from "How do I convince them to buy?" to "How can I genuinely improve their business?"—everything changes.
You ask better questions because you actually care about the answers.
You listen more intently because you're trying to understand their world, not hunt for objections.
You identify opportunities they didn't see because you're thinking about their problem, not your quota.
And here's the magic part: they want to work with you. Not because you convinced them. But because you're genuinely valuable.
This isn't manipulation. This is actually being good at business development.
Why Appreciating People Is a Competitive Advantage
Here's what I learned: when we genuinely appreciate people and we're social, we fall into business development naturally.
But here's what most people don't realize: that appreciation is your actual advantage.
The person who cares about the prospect's business will outperform the person who cares about the commission. Nearly every time.
Because caring changes:
- How you listen
- What you notice
- The questions you ask
- The solutions you recommend
- Whether they refer you to others
- Whether they want to work with you again
Most salespeople think they need to be more aggressive, more pushy, more transactional to win.
The truth is the opposite. The winner is the person who cares most about the other person's success.
The Business Development Framework
So what does this actually look like in practice?
STEP 1: Understand Their World
- Ask deep questions about their business, challenges, and goals
- Listen more than you talk
- Understand their constraints and opportunities
- Get to know the person, not just the prospect
STEP 2: Identify Where You Can Help
- Is there an operational problem you can solve?
- Is there a growth opportunity they're missing?
- Is there a connection you can make that benefits them?
- Is there expertise you can share that improves their situation?
STEP 3: Provide Value (With or Without Your Product)
- If your solution fits, present it
- If it doesn't, recommend what actually works (even if it's a competitor)
- Introduce connections that help their business
- Share insights that improve their thinking
- Do things that don't have immediate ROI but build relationship capital
STEP 4: Measure By Their Success
- Are they getting better?
- Is their business improving?
- Are they referring you because you genuinely helped?
- Do they want to work with you on the next opportunity?
This is business development. Not sales.
The Industries Where This Matters Most
In industrial business, manufacturing, and B2B services—this distinction is everything.
These are relationship-driven markets. People do business with people they trust.
The rep who shows up with a pitch gets compared to five other reps with pitches.
The rep who shows up with genuine insight into their business, understands their challenges, and consistently helps them win owns the relationship.
This is especially true in the Gulf South industrial corridor where word-of-mouth is currency and reputation is everything.
The Uncomfortable Admission
Here's what I had to admit to myself: I wasn't uncomfortable with sales because sales is inherently bad.
I was uncomfortable because I was doing it wrong.
Once I shifted from selling to providing value, I stopped feeling icky about what I do. I stopped dreading calls with prospects. I stopped feeling like I was manipulating people into deals.
Because I wasn't anymore.
I was genuinely trying to improve their business. And as a side effect, they wanted to work with me.
Why This Matters For Your Career
If you're in business development, marketing, or sales—and you feel uncomfortable with traditional tactics—here's the truth:
You're not weak. You're not soft. You're not a bad salesman.
You're exactly the right person for the modern marketplace.
The economy has shifted. Buyers are smarter. Information is free. You can't manipulate people into deals anymore because they have a hundred options and they can research all of them in an hour.
The only thing that still works is genuine value.
The person who cares most about the other person's success wins.
The person who asks the best questions wins.
The person who identifies opportunities the prospect didn't see wins.
The person who makes introductions that don't directly benefit them wins.
And the person who measures success by whether the customer's business got better—that person dominates.
The Calling
When we genuinely appreciate people and we're social, and we channel that into helping businesses grow, improve, and succeed—that's not sales. That's meaningful work.
That's a calling.
The difference between a mediocre career in sales and an extraordinary one in business development is simple: shift your definition of success from "deals closed" to "businesses improved."
Everything else follows.
The One Question
At the end of every conversation with a prospect, ask yourself:
"Did I provide value, or did I try to extract value?"
If the answer is the first one, you're in business development.
If the answer is the second one, you're selling.
One scales. One burns out.
One builds a career. One builds a quota.
One is sustainable. One requires constant replacement of prospects.
The Choice is Yours
You can spend your career trying to convince people to buy.
Or you can spend your career improving people's businesses and letting them convince themselves to work with you.
One feels icky. One feels like calling.
The good news? The second one is also more profitable.
So stop selling.
Start providing value.
And watch everything change.
