The last few years taught me I was doing this wrong. Sitting across from a prospect, something shifted. I realized I'd been approaching this entirely backward—and what I was doing wrong became impossible to ignore.
I had my pitch ready. I knew my numbers. I understood their industry. But as I sat there listening to them talk about their business, I noticed something: I wasn't actually listening to them. I was listening for the opening—the moment I could insert my value proposition and close the deal.
That's when it hit me: I was selling. Not providing value.
And the moment I realized that, everything changed.
Let's be honest. The word "sales" has a problem.
When you say you work in sales, certain images come to mind: pushy tactics, pressure closes, manipulation disguised as enthusiasm. The used car salesman. The aggressive closer. The person who talks more than they listen.
Sales feels transactional. It feels icky. And for good reason—because a lot of it is.
But here's what most salespeople don't understand: your discomfort with sales is a feature, not a bug.
The fact that you feel uncomfortable with traditional sales tactics? That's not weakness. That's a signal that you're built for something better.
You're built for value.
There's a massive, consequential difference between selling and providing value. Most people in business development confuse them. It's costing them deals, relationships, and ultimately their careers.
Let me spell out the distinction:
SELLING (Transactional)
Mindset: "How do I convince them to buy?"
Behavior:
Feeling:
Outcome:
PROVIDING VALUE (Relational)
Mindset: "How can I genuinely help their business?"
Behavior:
Feeling:
Outcome:
The crazy part? The second approach is more profitable.
Here's the thing that nobody tells you: when you stop trying to sell, you become better at sales.
The moment you shift from "How do I convince them to buy?" to "How can I genuinely improve their business?"—everything changes.
You ask better questions because you actually care about the answers.
You listen more intently because you're trying to understand their world, not hunt for objections.
You identify opportunities they didn't see because you're thinking about their problem, not your quota.
And here's the magic part: they want to work with you. Not because you convinced them. But because you're genuinely valuable.
This isn't manipulation. This is actually being good at business development.
Here's what I learned: when we genuinely appreciate people and we're social, we fall into business development naturally.
But here's what most people don't realize: that appreciation is your actual advantage.
The person who cares about the prospect's business will outperform the person who cares about the commission. Nearly every time.
Because caring changes:
Most salespeople think they need to be more aggressive, more pushy, more transactional to win.
The truth is the opposite. The winner is the person who cares most about the other person's success.
So what does this actually look like in practice?
STEP 1: Understand Their World
STEP 2: Identify Where You Can Help
STEP 3: Provide Value (With or Without Your Product)
STEP 4: Measure By Their Success
This is business development. Not sales.
In industrial business, manufacturing, and B2B services—this distinction is everything.
These are relationship-driven markets. People do business with people they trust.
The rep who shows up with a pitch gets compared to five other reps with pitches.
The rep who shows up with genuine insight into their business, understands their challenges, and consistently helps them win owns the relationship.
This is especially true in the Gulf South industrial corridor where word-of-mouth is currency and reputation is everything.
Here's what I had to admit to myself: I wasn't uncomfortable with sales because sales is inherently bad.
I was uncomfortable because I was doing it wrong.
Once I shifted from selling to providing value, I stopped feeling icky about what I do. I stopped dreading calls with prospects. I stopped feeling like I was manipulating people into deals.
Because I wasn't anymore.
I was genuinely trying to improve their business. And as a side effect, they wanted to work with me.
If you're in business development, marketing, or sales—and you feel uncomfortable with traditional tactics—here's the truth:
You're not weak. You're not soft. You're not a bad salesman.
You're exactly the right person for the modern marketplace.
The economy has shifted. Buyers are smarter. Information is free. You can't manipulate people into deals anymore because they have a hundred options and they can research all of them in an hour.
The only thing that still works is genuine value.
The person who cares most about the other person's success wins.
The person who asks the best questions wins.
The person who identifies opportunities the prospect didn't see wins.
The person who makes introductions that don't directly benefit them wins.
And the person who measures success by whether the customer's business got better—that person dominates.
When we genuinely appreciate people and we're social, and we channel that into helping businesses grow, improve, and succeed—that's not sales. That's meaningful work.
That's a calling.
The difference between a mediocre career in sales and an extraordinary one in business development is simple: shift your definition of success from "deals closed" to "businesses improved."
Everything else follows.
At the end of every conversation with a prospect, ask yourself:
"Did I provide value, or did I try to extract value?"
If the answer is the first one, you're in business development.
If the answer is the second one, you're selling.
One scales. One burns out.
One builds a career. One builds a quota.
One is sustainable. One requires constant replacement of prospects.
You can spend your career trying to convince people to buy.
Or you can spend your career improving people's businesses and letting them convince themselves to work with you.
One feels icky. One feels like calling.
The good news? The second one is also more profitable.
So stop selling.
Start providing value.
And watch everything change.